Cats, Death, and Unprecedent Thoughts
by PageSquireKnight
Summary: Hazel and Cha-Cha return from a killing spree to find a cat stow-away, a near death encounter, and a few other things.
1. Boris

{Hazel and Cha-Cha's place}

"WOOH! That was awesome! Did you see how fast the blood was squirting out?" Hazel came in peeling off his bloody gloves from today's massacre. Cha-Cha followed doing the same.

"I know! There's nothin' like killing hobos after eating three boxes of Thin Mints."

"Nothin' can compare to that!"

Hazel and Cha-Cha were two sugar-high, homocidal freaks in masks. There was nothing they enjoyed more than getting loaded up on sugar and killing anyone on sight.

"Meow"

"Cha-Cha."

"Yeeeeees Hazel?"

"What was that?"

"What was what?"

"That cat sound."

"What cat sound?"

"You know, the cat sound, came out of your gun bag."

"What gun bag?"

"Quit being stupid Cha-Cha! Where's the cat?"

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT!"

"THERE IS A CAT IN YOUR BAG CHA-CHA! TAKE IT OUT! NOW!"

"Leave my gun bag alone, Hazel. I don't have a cat!"

Just then Cha-Cha's bag came open. A kitten plopped down on the floor.

"Meow."

"Huh. How 'bout that? There really was a cat in there... COOOOOOOOL! Maybe it'll grow up to be a lion so it can eat people we don't like and-"

"Cha-Cha! There is nothing cool about a freakin' cat!"

"Don't be mean to my Cho-Cho!"

"Don't tell me that you just named that thing Cho-Cho.."

"I'll name my Cho-Cho Hazel if I want to! And there ain't nothin' you can do 'bout it!"

"Hazel is my name! That stupid thing will not have my name!"

"It's not a thing!"

Then there was a knock on the door.

"What do you want!"

"Girl Scout cookies..."

"YEAH! THIN MINTS you little punk! Now!"

Cha-Cha swung the door open and the little girl screamed.

"Mommy! The mean hamster is all bloody and scary!"

"I'm not a hamster! Hey! Get back here with your cookies! Ugh. Those stupid little kids drive me insane!"

"Your insane anyway, Cha-Cha."

"Hazel..."

"What?"

"Can we keep the cat?"

"...Fine. But it can't be named Cho-Cho."

"Awwwww! Why not?"

"Cha-Cha, do you want the cat or not?"

"Fine. What do YOU want to name it?"

"Hmmmmm... Boris!"

"Meow."

"...Cool!"

They then sat down for some violent cartoons.

{Hazel and Cha-Cha's place, again, at 6:00 a.m.}

"Are you freakin' serious?"

"What? Oooooooh! Did gaint candy saucers fly from the sky and offer themselves to us as awesome treats?"

"Shut up, Cha-Cha, your stupid cat just ate all the fish in the fridge. I'm done with this thing."

"Don't shoot my kitty! Pleeease!"

"I haven't killed anything for two days! And if the last thing I have to kill is him, good!"

"Then let's go get some cake and kill the baker!"

"Fine. But that thing stays!"

"Why!"

"Because I don't like it!"

"You don't like anything! You're so mean to me!"

"We'll talk about this later!"

"We never talk!"

"Well you're stupid!"

"You're a jerk!"

"Get ready to go. That cake shop place down the street opens in an hour."

"Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

{The cake place, Half Baked}

"I love cake! I love cake! I love cake! I love cake! I love cake! I love cake!"

"Hey! Waitress, come 'ere."

"Yes, sir?"

"We'd like to talk to the baker of this cake."

"Cake!"

"Well I can tell him whatever you need to-"

"Get the cake man!"

"Ah! O-ok!"

"Good going Cha-Cha. Make us look suspicious."

"Caaake."

"You got rid of the people over there right?"

"What people?"

"The people- Ugh, nevermind, you probably scared the crap outta them."

"Uh, hello. I was told you wanted to speak with me?"

"Hello. That cake tasted really good."

"Cake!"

"Well, thank you. It's not that hard to make if you'd like me to tell you."

"Cake.."

"That sounds great. It'll take a minute to get to our house. And you won't struggle."

"Excuse me?"

"Haha! Die Cake Man! Die!"

"Wait! What?"

{On the street}

"What do you want with me?"

"We're bored."

"This is what we do when we're bored! Stupid cake man!"

"But what are you going to do to me?"

"Whatever we feel like I guess."

"WOOH!"

"The police will find you, I told my waitress to call them. What'll you do then?"

"Donno. Kill 'em."

"You'd just kill somebody?"

"Sure, that's what we do."

"Instant armageddon!"

"We kill people all the time."

"Thin Mints!"

"Calm down Cha-Cha."

"Wooh..."

"You two are phycopaths!"

"And sociopaths, don't forget sociopaths."

"Yeah!"

{Back at Hazel and Cha-Cha's}

"Dance, cake man, dance! Dance your chef hat off!" Cha-Cha kept shooting at the baker's feet, making him move his feet in a dance jump kind of way.

"Cha-Cha put your toy in the closet, you can break it later." Hazel stood in the middle of the room. "This place is way too clean... Cha-Cha! Get the 'toys' ready for our guest."

"WOOH! You wanna take the bat?"

"Nah. You can have that."

Just then there was a hard pounding on the door.

"Open up! We know you got Mr. Karter in there!"

Mr. Karter, who was the cake man, started yelling from the kitchen.

"Shut up! Cha-Cha, you ready?"

"Yep!"

"Come in!"

The police kicked open the door. All were ready with their hands on the butt of their pistols.

"Let us have him now, and give yourselves up. This can all go by quick. You'll go to court and have a hearing, the judge will decide your punishment."

"Aww, and end this little gathering so soon? Where's the excitement in that?"

"Party!"

"I'll give you one more chance." 


	2. Death's Thoughts

"I'll give you one more chance."

"Or what?"

"Or we fire."

"Hazel I'm getting restless. Let's just kill 'em now and get it over with!"

"Cha-Cha you're an animal."

Turns out Mr. Karter had been telling the truth. The waitress really had called the cops. That didn't stop Hazel and Cha-Cha at all, though. Just more fun for them. There was about five or six from what they could tell. Their mouths watered with homocidal bloodthirst. Hazel liked to play with his victims, but Cha-Cha gripped and ungripped his bat with anticipation.

"C'mon. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon," he kept muttering to himself. "Hurry up."

"Cha-Cha, if I let you go, will you get rid of that cat?"

"Of course not."

"Oh well, let's do this!"

Hazel fired and Cha-Cha swung at the two cops closest to him. Before any of them could even fire, they were all defeated.

"That was fun. Hey Cha-Cha, you hungry?"

Except one. Hazel asked again. But all he heard was hissing. He turned around and saw Cha-Cha on one knee, holding the other.

"Dude! What happened?"

"One of those jerks got me below the knee."

"Wha-what? Well, what do we do? This ain't never happened before. Do I, do I take you to the vet or somethin'?"

"Hazel the vet is for animals!"

"Yeah I know. So what do I do?"

"I don't know I've never been shot before."

"How would I know that!"

"We've been killing people together since we were five."

"Your not in pain anymore?"

"Nah, it's kinda numb now."

"Lemme see the shot hole thing."

Cha-Cha pulled his pants leg up to reveal the wound. Blood was pulsing out at a heart's beat pace. After a minute of freaking out and jumping around aimlessly, Hazel helped Cha-Cha to his feet and got him ready to take him to the hospital.

"I can't drive, and you don't know how. What are we gonna do to get there?"

"I donno. We could get a cab. Got any money?"

"Yeah, but it's covered in blood."

"It'll do."

When they finally got a cab to stop for them, Cha-Cha couldn't even stand on his own. They told the driver where to go and gave him the money.

"Woah, what happened to him?"

"...Gun tester. Yeah, gun tester."

The driver didn't seemed convinced and started to question so Hazel got out his pistol.

"Ya know, we're not quite done testin' 'em either. So why don't you hurry up?"

"Uh, yessir. I'm goin' now."

The driver seemed to waste no time getting them to where they needed to go. But no matter how fast they got there, Cha-Cha was just barely conscious when they arrived. For those few longing minutes, he slipped in and out of reality. He thought of things he never thought about before. He thought about his own death. He wondered if this was what all the people he killed thought about. He laughed to himself. Of all the things he did, he felt the most crazy now. Hazel was too busy waving his gun around where the nervous driver could see it, so he didn't notice Cha-Cha rolling his head from shoulder to shoulder on the way there.

Cha-Cha didn't really remember too much of what happened. When they got to the hospital Hazel half dragged, half carried him in. The doctors took him to a room and hooked him up to typical machines you would see around there. He then blacked out.


	3. Hope

Cha-Cha opened his eyes. He had a horrible headache and felt light chested. He assumed he was still in the hospital. He held a hand to his forehead and felt his dark hair tickle his upper face. He shot foward. His mask. It was gone, and he didn't see it anywhere in the room. He looked to the side of his bed and saw a young girl sitting in the chair next to it. The nurse he guessed.

"How long have I been out?" It didn't come out that clear, but anyone could easily make out what he was trying to say.

"Not long. You were here over night. You should be aloud to go home later

tonight, unless you don't feel up to it." She seemed nice enough. She had dark brown hair and eyes that didn't seem to be one color, but many. He saw her name tag and read "Hope." For some reason he felt sad that this girl would actually die some day.

_What?_ He thought. _What's so different about her?_

"You okay?" He snapped back to reality and realized he hadn't realized he had completely zoned out.

Cha-Cha leaned back and relaxed his muscles. "Yeah. I guess. I got a horrible headache."

Hope looked at him. She grinned alittle bit at him. Grinning. He never saw much of that, most people who looked at him looked with fear, and Hazel always had his pink mask on.

"What were you doin' last night?"

He hesitated. Not sure of what to tell her. Of course nothing that really happened. _Think._ He thought to himself. _Don't go gettin' yourself in trouble._

"Whaddya mean?" _Good goin', excellent response._

_Stupid!_

"You came in here, had on a blue hamster mask-"

"It's not a hamster."

"Then what is it?"

"Uh. A homicidal, epic, bloodthirsty rodent mask." _That was stupid, too, genius._

She giggled. He never heard much of that either. It was almost as beautiful as pleading screams from helpless idiots.

"Right. Anyway, you came in here, with that mask on, a gun wound on your leg, and all we got as a name was 'Cha-Cha'."

"Well maybe that's my name."

"Cha-Cha? Just Cha-Cha?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"What if you got married? Would the girl's last name be Cha then?"

Married? He'd never even had a girlfriend before. If he did he'd probably just kill her for being annoying. How would a guy like him last with marriage?

"I don't see a girl in my future, ever."

"Well that's too bad. You never answered my question, ya know."

"Me and my friend got new guns, we were testin' 'em out." He

was sure that's what he heard Hazel tell the cab driver last night.

"Well you two must have wonderful aim. I bet you really were goin' for your knee."

He laughed himself. Wow. He could laugh for other reasons other than being loaded on sugar. He scratched his head and looked around. He had never really noticed his limited vision from his mask. Then he remembered, his mask was somewhere and not on his head.

"Um, where is my mask?"

"With all your other stuff. Over in that cabinet." She nodded at the far side of the room.

"Can I have all my stuff?"

"Sure. Give me a second."

Cha-Cha sat up while the nurse opened up the cabinet and pulled out his clothes and mask. She came back over and handed it to him. He looked at it all. They had cleaned his shirt, tie, gave him a different pair of pants (the other pair did have a bullet hole in them now), and wipe his mask of all the blood. Then he looked at the

nurse.

"Uh. Um."

"Huh? Oh, sorry. Call the front desk if you need anything else." With she left the room.

Cha-Cha started getting dressed again. He was almost done with his shirt and had his tie hung around his neck when someone knocked on the door.

"Yeah?"

"It's Dr. Brown, can I come in?"

"Sure."

Dr. Brown opened the door to his room. He told him the situation. Loss of blood, torn cartilage, etc. Pretty much everything Cha-Cha could have guessed himself. After that he checked his leg out, he told him he had to walk on crutches, as if he was going to do that, and that he could leave in a couple of hours. Also to make sure he rested his leg often.

Then he sat down next to him.

"How's your mom Cha-Cha?"

Cha-Cha just looked down for a moment before answering.

"Not talking to me. Like the rest of my family."

"Well what did you expect? 'Hey guys, I'm a serial killer, let's sit down for Christmas dinner'."

"I don't wanna talk about this."

"You can't run from everything."

"Why not? It's better than being bored. Now get outta my room Doc."

"I'll knock you out man."

"Hmmmm, making threats at a murderer. I thought doctors were supposed to be smart."

"Oh, shut up. Now rest your leg."

"Sure."

After Dr. Brown left his knee started to hurt, so he took the doctor's advice and layed down.


End file.
